My Breast Feeding Experience

Wow, where to begin… I am writing this in hope to help any new Mom who may encounter any similar difficulties. This is definitely not meant to discourage anyone from breastfeeding. I hope that it shows anyone trying that with enough perseverance anything is possible.

I knew that I wanted to breast feed my babies before I was pregnant. Finding out I was pregnant with twins was not a deterrent to me. Of course my Mom was quick to point out when I told her of my plan that I would have to supplement. And I said, no I won’t because it’s just a matter of demand to get up your supply. Oh, how naïve I was! Of course I didn’t know it at the time.

My girls were born just after midnight. It was a bit of a rough recovery but they were able to bring me M shortly after the delivery. We had a little skin to skin time and she nursed for the first time about 30 minutes after birth. S ended up spending some time in the NICU and was brought after 2 hours. I tried to nurse but she was still struggling/grunting etc. a little bit so she went back to NICU for 2 more hours. After 4 hours she finally had the energy and nursed successfully. The girls roomed in with us and I nursed them every time they showed hunger cues such as crying or routing. This was anywhere from 45 minutes to 2.5 hours from the previous feeding. I experienced a little soreness but it seemed that everything was going well. The lactation consultants came by and checked our latch and it seemed to be going well. On day two there was a marked difference in the girls’ fussiness and we gave them each one bottle after they finished nursing to get some food in them. The bottle really calmed them down and helped them sleep. On day 3 it felt like my milk was finally coming in. This is where the wheels sort of fell of the truck… One of the lactation consultants observed while I nursed and felt that the girls were not latching well enough. They were using their tongues to push my breast away so they were latching on just a little more than the nipple. At this point, she suggested using glucose water to encourage a better latch. Essentially, I was supposed to get them to latch perfectly and dribble some sugar water to encourage/reward their good latch. Seemed like a very reasonable thing to my sleep deprived brain at the time but looking back, I think this was a HUGE mistake now. The girls quickly got to the point where they would not eat without the sugar water being dribbled onto the breast… We were discharged on day 4 to come home. The girls were doing great but nursing had become a battle of the wills. They just would not latch without that d%#! sugar water. Totally frustrated I called the local Women’s Center and spoke with a lactation consultant. Based on our phone conversation, she told me to give the girls a bottle and come right in later that afternoon. I cried about what I perceived as my failure. When I brought the girls in and they were weighed they had lost over 1 pound, more than 10% of their birth weight! At this point I was told that I must supplement my breast feeding with formula. I was absolutely devastated. I had done everything you are supposed to do and it wasn’t working. I cried and felt like a failure because it hadn’t worked, I felt like I had been starving my girls while trying to breast feed.

Still determined to make breast feeding work, I left the lactation consultants office with a plan and a rented hospital grade breast pump. The plan was to nurse a baby then bottle feed that baby, nurse the next baby, then bottle feed her and after that pump for 10-15 minutes. Because Baby M had such a poor latch I was also using a nipple guard to train her to open her mouth wider. With a 2-2.5 hour schedule this left about a 45 minute break in between cycles. It was exhausting! After three days, I ended up sending my extremely helpful Mom home because she was so upset by how tired I was that she kept urging me to sleep while she gave the babies bottles. She just didn’t get it. I wanted to breast feed and that was that! I was going to do whatever it took! Although she meant well and just wanted me to get some rest, I perceived her overtures to just let her give the babies a bottle while I slept as a lack of support.

We saw the lactation consultant after a week had gone by and the girls had gained back the weight they had lost plus a little more. It was working; my girls were no longer starving! We revised the plan to nurse each baby and if they provided at least 10 minutes of stimulation I didn’t have to pump. However, I was to continue giving them a supplemental bottle. Since pumping was yielding less than 1-2 oz. I was also advised that an herbal supplement such as ‘More Milk Plus’ and/or goats rue might help bring more milk in. Of course, we rushed right out to get some of that! The schedule was still grueling but I kept at it. During week 3 one of my daughters was admitted to the hospital due to mastitis. We all moved into the hospital room so that I could keep up the nursing routine with both babies. Unfortunately, we came home from the hospital with the flu. I was advised that I could keep nursing since the babies would get added immunity from me. We also gave diluted Gatorade as advised by the pediatrician to keep the girls hydrated. Again we survived. Sometimes the girls nursed well and sometimes they didn’t. Since my milk supply was so low, I decided that to cut back on the work of nursing I would alternate babies for nursing each session. So Baby M would get the right breast while Baby S was given a bottle. Then we would alternate for the next feeding. This lead to the baby that was breast fed at the previous feeding waking up hungry before the one that had been bottle fed. After several weeks and adding a supplemental bottle for the nursing baby so that one baby nursed and both received bottles I changed my strategy. I nursed both babies simultaneously and then gave both a supplemental bottle. I figured that by this approach they would get every ounce of that ‘liquid gold’ I had to offer. So, this is what we stuck with. My pediatrician’s opinion is that most of the value from breast feeding is during the first 4 months. He said that the benefit beyond that time frame is currently being debated. There are a multitude of opinions on this but I set a new goal of nursing for at least the first 4 months. Of course, there have been other feeding issues too. Because of reflux, in addition to medication we have been adding rice cereal to their formula since they were 3 months. With the rice cereal added we had to get faster flow nipples for the bottles. The girls figured out that they always get a bottle after nursing and started to boycott nursing some feedings during the fourth month. Essentially, they cry at the breast. To end their frustration and mine we started weaning to just a bottle at 5 months. I feel good about my accomplishment to have made it that far even though my original plan was to nurse for the first year.

The moral of my story is that if you really want to nurse your baby/babies you can find a way to make it work to some degree. I have encountered both ends of the spectrum in terms of people’s reactions to my approach. Some say, why bother with nursing formula is fine. And some (nursing Moms with ample supply) who just don’t understand have looked at me with disdain and said ‘but it’s just a matter of supply and demand!’ I don’t think either realize how emotionally charged this issue is for a new Mom. Breast feeding is not for everyone and contrary to popular belief is not always easy. I encourage any Mom that really wants to breast feed to do so to whatever degree you are able. And if you are just too exhausted, frustrated or whatever, give your baby a bottle and don’t let anyone make you feel less for it. One of the more hurtful comments I received regarding this was, ‘but giving a bottle is just so cold and impersonal’! I strongly disagree. When your children are essentially starving as mine were it was the most loving thing I could do. I snuggled them close, gazed lovingly into their eyes and let them eat until they were satisfied.